What I Learned in 2016

     I picked up some new vocabulary in 2016.  Here goes.

     Googie - Describes a style of futuristic architecture - think The Jetson's.

     Poonanny - Lady parts.  Really, how did I live this long and never hear this one?

     Butt Hurt - Getting your feelings hurt or feeling very ashamed.  I can thank my 20-something niece for this one.

     Porch Pirates - People who steal packages left on the porch by delivery men.  Porch pirates are especially active around the holidays.

     I also learned in 2016 that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.  More specifically -

     You should probably wear goggles more than you think, and miss a dose of Frontline, and your dog will get fleas.

     Mike also would like to announce that he learned to properly pronounce joyeux anniversaire (Happy Birthday in French).  He has also mastered Windows 10.

Hot Coco Packet Envelopes

     I recently learned how to make hot coco packet envelopes.  Enclosing a coco packet in a pretty paper envelope makes a nice holiday party favor.  The envelopes are also suitable for gift cards.  We give our mailman a Wawa gift card each year for Christmas.  This year, I'm putting the gift card (and a package of Swiss Miss) into a special coco envelope made just for our mail carrier.
     Please note that there are rules for giving gifts to postal workers.  You can give a gift with a value of up to $20.00, but do not give cash.  Gift cards for up to $20.00 are okay as long as they are not redeemable for cash.The cards have to be issued by a single business, not by a bank or a mall.

I googled "Christmas mailman clip art," and selected this image.  See the next picture for an explanation of why the picture is placed in this spot on the 8.5 x 11 sheet of paper.  

The finished envelope has to be 4" x 5" in order to hold a coco packet.  Overall dimensions of the template are
6" x 9".  You'll need 2" above the image to make a flap.  You'll need 3" below the image to make the back of the envelope.  Finally, you need a 1/2" white margin down both sides. 

Trim to 6" x 9".

You need to score the paper to make nice, neat folds.  You could buy a scoring machine, but I have a technique that works with my paper cutter.  The paper cutter has grooves at 1/2" intervals.  Grab a plastic knife and position the paper.

Along the 9" length, score at 2" and 6".  Along the 6" length, score down both long sides at 1/2" from the edge.  Use the rounded back edge of the plastic knife blade.  Don't use the jagged side meant for cutting food!!

Fold along all score lines.

Clip away the 1/2" flaps along the score lines from the 2" top section and the 3" bottom section.  Leave flaps only in the 4" middle section.     

Using a circular punch, cut a half circle out of the middle of the 3" flap.

This is just a little detail that makes a nicer finished product.

Rounding the edges of the 2" flap is another nice touch.  You could buy a special paper punch, but I traced around the edge of a plastic container and cut with scissors.

Here are the rounded edges.  To finish the envelope, fold in the 1/2 side flaps and fold up the 3" bottom flap.  You should use a powerful adhesive since coco packets are plump and heavy.  It's hard to see, but I also sniped off the corner of the top of the 1/2" strip. 

I got this at Joann.  The regular price is $9.99.  Be sure to use a coupon.

This is really strong double sided tape that is dispensed on a paper strip.  Cut a 3" piece and press it sticky side down on the edge of the 3" flap.  Repeat on the other side.  Remove the paper strip and you are left with a strong, gummy film that runs down both sides of the 3" flap.  Fold the 1/2 flaps inward.  Hold them in  while folding up the 3"flap.  Press the 3" flap into place, joining it to the 1/2" strips.

Back side.  Now flip the envelope.

If the folds did not line up perfectly, trim any excess paper from the edges. 

I added a snow flake ...

... and added the recipient's name.  I used a sticker to seal the back.

  

Hainesport Turkeys

     It's getting so I don't need an alarm clock.  I have get-up gobblers under the window on some mornings.

     I never noticed turkeys until Long Bridge Park opened (around 2004).  I was so excited to see the birds flapping up into the trees one night that I called my neighbor to tell her to watch.  I recently learned that our fan-tailed friends were extinct in New Jersey until the New Jersey Chapter of the National Wild Turkey Federation re-introduced the birds in 1977.  They released 22 birds in northern New Jersey.  In 1979 biologists began trapping and relocating turkeys, so the birds would be present in all areas of the state.  The turkey population was estimated at 23,000 in 2014.  We have such an abundance of turkeys that hunters can participate in a spring and fall gobbler hunt.
     Fun fact: A group of wild turkeys is called a flock.  A group of domesticated turkeys is called a rafter or a gang.  I don't know.  After the Hainesport hoopla that resulted in the 2012 don't-feed-the-turkeys-and-they-won't-attack-you ordinance, I think our roving wild turkeys might be traveling in gangs.

White Wine, Red Wine, Blue Wine

     Have you taken a stroll through the wine section of a liquor store lately?  It's as much fun reading the names and appreciating the artwork on the labels as it is to consume the contents of the bottles.  One of my favorite names is Goats Do Roam.

 
 I also like the name Fat Bastard, but their label is boring.

     On the other hand, Il Bastardo has a funny name and an amusing label.  In the interest of gender equality, they offer La Bastarda as well.

 
     I recently attended a party where they served Culitos wine.

Well, culo means ass in Spanish, so this could be Little Asses Wine.  I prefer to call it Little Butts Wine.  This was a sweet wine, not Manischewitz sweet, but still sweet.    

     Culitos' plump butts are cute, maybe even cherubic.  There are other names and labels that are not so ... ahem ... palatable - wines named for body parts and body functions.  You might not want to offer them at your next party.  Leave Big Red Pecker on the shelf.

But do consider Middle Sister, Marilyn Merlot, Pinot Evil (ha, love the three monkeys on the label), or Mad Housewife.

            

Walking Backwards

     I recently finished Yann Martel's book, The High Mountains of Portugal.  The book tells three interwoven stories with a how-about-that ending.  As he did in Life of Pi , Martell writes unbelievable stuff and has the reader believing.  In the book's first narrative, a young man named Tomas grieves the loss of his paramour and son by walking backwards.  Imagine my surprise when I found out that walking backwards is "a thing," and not something made up by Mr. Martell.
     The Chinese have been walking backwards since ancient times.  Backward walking or retrowalking has been proven to be a better cardio work out than walking forward, and the Chinese believe that walking backwards staves off Alzheimer's disease.  It is a common site in China to see seniors gather in the morning and retrowalk around the local track.
     Studies show that walking in reverse increases heart rate, but is the true cause of that increased heart rate from fear of falling?  Anxiety makes my heart race, and marching around blindly would certainly have me in an anxious state.  Some people like to run backwards, and I read that running uphill backwards is "relatively" safe.  Running downhill backwards falls somewhere between imprudent and harebrained.  Another variation is to walk backwards on a treadmill.  That's definitely harebrained.
     Reading books is supposed to provide food for thought.  I started to dwell on all things done the opposite way.  The first thing that came to mind was playing Beatles' songs backwards. Playing recorded music backwards is called backmasking, and the Beatles were far from the first to use it.  Thomas Edison, the inventor of the phonograph, found some pleasing melodies when he turned his wax cylinders in the opposite direction.  The movie "Gold Diggers of 1935" included a musical number titled "The Words Are in My Heart" which was filmed backwards with a reversed musical score.  Who hasn't thumbed through a magazine from back to front?  Who hasn't read the last chapter of a book first?  I danced backwards (and in kitten heels) to Mike's lead at our wedding.  The Lakota Indians tell of a sacred clown named Heyoka who does everything opposite of those around him.  Every culture needs a contrarian.
      I'm extremely tempted to contra perambulate around the neighborhood, but I worry that the neighbors will start talking.  Well, slap my butt and call me Heyoka.  Every neighborhood needs a contrarian.  Does anybody out there want to join me?  
     
     

Vikings - Season 4, Part 2 Season Premier

     We were glued to the TV last night watching the Vikings premier.  It occurred to me that our president elect has a Viking frame of mind on the subject or Mexico: "Shield wall!"
     And you don't even have to lick the palm of my hand for that one.