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Friday, November 30, 2012

The Humor (and the Dangers) of Eating Too Fast

     This video is all over the internet:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZobqUJvb9A

     With the help of a cordless drill, the young man in the video strips the kernels off an ear of corn in record time.
     There are pie eating contests and hot dog eating contests.  I suppose they do little harm if done once per year at the county fair.  Routinely wolfing down meals is a bad practice, though.  In fact, some health professions say eating too fast leads to an early grave.  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2064544/Why-eating-quickly-fast-track-early-grave.html
People who eat quickly tend to be overweight.  Being overweight can lead to diabetes.  Before they even know it, fast eaters have consumed too many calories.  That's because it takes twenty minutes after eating for digestive processes to tell the brain you are full.  If you eat slowly, your brain will get the message you are full on less food.  There is actually a talking dinner plate that warns diners to eat slowly.  Bitching Betty (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bitching_Betty) in a dinner plate.  I wonder how many people who bought the plate ended up executing Betty in the dishwasher.  People who eat quickly also tend to develop acid reflux, and that can lead to esophageal cancer.  The least dangerous but most offensive side effect of fast eating is gulping air along with the food.  Those people tend to be gassy.
     So, if you want to curb your tendency to inhale your meals, take some mellow advice from Simon and Garfunkel.  Just adjust the lyrics to "The 59th Street Bridge Song" a little bit -

     Slow down, you eat too fast
     You got to make this mealtime last
     Don't eat us out of house and home
     Don't dine and dash, and you'll feel groovy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBQxG0Z72qM
         

   

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

More on Pillows

     I posted an entry on June 4, 2012 about making pillow cases for people undergoing cancer treatment.  I also like to make pillow cases for healthy kids - my cousins in France.  Their parents tell me the children enjoy the themed fabrics.
     I found a cotton fabric with a jig-saw puzzle theme.  I whipped up a pillow case and found a way cool 3-D puzzle appropriate for a seven year old.

Puzzle Fabric Showing  Decorative Hem Stitch


The puzzle snaps together to make a sphere.

     The sock monkey fabric accompanied (what else?) a sock money.

Sock Monkey Fabric with a Heart Hem Stitch

And Sock Monkey

     This work shop print complements the real, child sized tools a certain little boy will receive.

Work Shop Print

Of course, adult supervision is required!



Joyeux Noël

Monday, November 19, 2012

Thanksgiving Blessing

     When you think of Thanksgiving, do you conjure up a mental image of a Norman Rockwell painting?  Do you envision your entire extended family, full of good cheer, assembled around the table, smiling broadly in anticipation of the feast?   Or do you do you relive a Thanksgiving horror story?  Back when I was working, I asked my coworkers to recount their Thanksgivings gone awry.
     Some of their stories were merely amusing anecdotes with no real damage done.  After too many glasses of Riesling, one host cooked the turkey up-side-down.  Everybody had a laugh before flipping the main course and carving it up.  Another absent minded cook left the giblets in the bird finding them, still wrapped in paper, when she unloaded the stuffing.  Almost every year a women’s magazine or day time TV cook recommends roasting turkeys for hours and hours at a very low temperature.  One of my coworkers tested this method only to learn that the meat falls off the bones and the skeleton collapses.  That year their holiday main course was a tasty, but unattractive pile.
       Thanksgiving pulls families together from far and wide.  People feel obligated to spend the day with relatives when they should have stayed home.  My own horror story occurred the year my sister announced her second pregnancy by throwing up at the table.  Worse than this, one family’s nightmare occurred when the grandmother, taxed beyond her limits by holiday travel, suffered a heart attack.  Grandmom had just signed a “Do Not Resuscitate” order.  While the EMT’s worked on Granny, her daughter demanded that she be allowed to die.  The old lady survived and, hopefully, was comforted by the fact that her child was willing to carry out her final wishes.     
     Sometimes the traditional turkey meets a fate worse than roasting.  Erma Bombeck told of setting the oven to self-clean and incinerating her entrée.  I recommend locking up the pets.  One of my respondents told me that their eighteen-pound gobbler was reduced to an eighteen-ounce carcass by the family dog when the cook went upstairs to take a shower.  In another household, Fido grabbed a bird twice his size, dragged it down the steps, and wrestled it through the doggie door and into the back yard.  A brave uncle gave chase, and a tug-of-war ensued.  Finally, the uncle appeared in the kitchen with the thieving dog under his arm, the turkey still dangling from its mouth.
     This is the time of year to thank God for our good fortune and to wish each other the best in the coming year.  But for some of us a Thanksgiving blessing might be, “May your turkey always be properly thawed.  May you never drop it and watch horrified as it skids across the dining room floor.  May you never lose your giblets.  And if you do, may you have a hearty laugh about it for years to come."    

    HAPPY TURKEY DAY, EVERYONE        

Friday, November 16, 2012

What the Heck ...

     I just read this article about 50,000 starfish washing up on a beach in Ireland. http://www.theblaze.com/stories/why-are-50000-starfish-washing-up-on-irelands-shoreline/  That had to stink!  I've seen dried starfish for sale in shops in places like the Florida keys.  A really enterprising person could have gone out to that beach with a wheel barrow and gathered up a small fortune.  Here's how to dry starfish:  http://www.mademan.com/mm/how-preserve-starfish.html
The challenge would be finding a place big enough to lay them flat while they dry and far enough away from people so the smell wouldn't offend the neighbors.
     Having stuff wash up onto the beach is interesting, but having stuff fall out of the sky is more interesting.  Here's a piece I did for writing class on that subject:

     It rained apples on Monday evening, December 12. 2011on a stretch of road in Coundon, Coventry, England.  They were everywhere, some intact while some were reduced to slippery blobs.  Fall is apple season, but what happened here?
     Apples aren't the first things to drop from the heavens, nor are they the most unusual.  While it has never rained cats and dogs, and single girls have never been granted a shower of handsome men, it has rained spiders, worms, fish, and frogs.  In 1997, the crew of a Japanese fishing boat was jailed when they reported a cow fell from the sky and sank their boat.  They were vindicated two weeks later when the Russian Air Force admitted that the crew of one of its planes had stolen a cow and loaded it into their plane.  The farm animal was so terrified that it thrashed about threatening to crash the plane.  Rather than crash, the crew decided to jettison the cow from 30,000 feet.
     Some other types of unnatural precipitation include a blood shower in La Sierra, Choco, Columbia, in 2008, and jelly-like stuff that landed in the grass in Scotland in 2009.  Scientists verified that the red downpour in Columbia was truly blood.  The local priest said this was a sign from God that people should turn from their evil ways.  The jiggly puddles in Scotland have never been identified.  One theory is that a buzzard flock ate something indigestible and, while in flight, vomited en masse
     The best possible cloudburst, in my opinion, happened in Germany in 2007.  A motorist saw paper bills swirling when she glanced into her rear view mirror.  She stopped her car and tried to gather the cash. There was just too much, so she went to the local police to stake her claim.  Unfortunately, the area had been picked clean by the time she returned.
     There are many explanations for these weird deluges.  Ice (and frozen potty water from the lavatories) can fall from passing planes.  In the cases of dropping dinero, there could be an altruistic aerialist.  That's what happened in Rome in 1976.  The generous pilot was never identified.  But let's skip to things like frogs and fish.  These showers are surprisingly common and have an accepted scientific explanation.  Sometimes when storms pass over bodies of water, swirling winds cause water spouts to rise, bringing up wildlife along with the water.  Later, the storm's hitchhikers drop as the storm moves over land.  In the case of England's apples, the theory is that a mini-tornado picked up the apples from an orchard, then dropped them on the highway in Coundon.
     So, don't stay inside watching "Cloudy with a Chance of Mealballs" the next time it rains.  Put up your umbrella to deflect falling frogs and wear boots in case you have to slog through slime.  You could discover anything from diamonds to dust bunnies in the next drencher.  



Thursday, November 15, 2012

Button, Button

     I needed buttons for a sewing project.  Instead of going to the store, I went to the button jar. That's where I put the extra buttons that come with new clothes.  It's also the place where I collect buttons cut off of old clothes.  Here's a portion of something I did for my creative writing class -

     My grandmother's button box was an endless source of entertainment for my sister and me.  Grandmom would lay newspapers on her kitchen table before dumping the old cookie tin that held decades' worth of salvaged buttons.  Then, with wide, sweeping arm motions, we spread the buttons.  Dramatic gestures seemed appropriate.
     When we were very young, we counted buttons or sorted them by color or size.  As we got older, and our girlie self images developed, we draped ourselves in strands of same colored buttons my grandmother had strung together.  We imagined that we wore pearl necklaces and ruby bracelets.  We piled up the gold and silver buttons, lifting hands full of them, letting them fall through our fingers.  We were pirates digging into a treasure chest of coins.  The buttons with rhinestone centers were fabulous jewels.  The old, rough looking ones made out of oyster shell became wampum.  I was an Indian princess, and my father, the chief, was negotiating with a handsome explorer who wanted my hand in marriage.
     My favorite buttons, the ones I sought out and turned over in my hands each time we brought out the button box, were the ones taken from the army uniforms.  My grandfather had served in World War I.  The buttons were all that remained of his uniform.  My bachelor uncle, who lived with my grandparents, and often supervised our button adventures, contributed his World War II uniform buttons to the collection.  My grandmother showed us my uncle's military portrait, and we compared the loose buttons to the ones in the picture.
     Another source of button entertainment came from my grandfather.  He made a simple toy using a length of string and the biggest button he could find.  He put the string through the two button holes, tied it, and looped it around his middle fingers.  With a little twirling to get things started, he got the button zinging along the string as he moved his hands close together and pulled them apart.  A button on a string beat pulling the strings of all the Chatty Cathy's in the world, at least until my sister and I got home and saw some Mattel commercials on the television ...

    If you want to confuse the grandkids this Christmas, put a big button in their stocking.  Then, teach then to make a toy with a button and string.  Or get everybody together and play a game of Button, Button, Who's Got the Button.  In case you need a few pointers, here's how to accomplish these two tasks:

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Dancing-Button
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Button,_Button,_Who's_Got_the_Button%3F
      
     
            


Wednesday, November 14, 2012

A Different Look at Infidelity

  There's a whole lot of hanky-panky going on these days with the whole Petraeus/Broadwell scandal.  Then there are the related murky dealings of Jill Kelley and her FBI friend, Jill Kelley and General John Allen, Jill Kelly and her twin sister's custody battle, and Jill Kelley's indebtedness and money problems.  I think Jill Kelley is probably a lot more interesting than Patreaus and Broadwell.
     Today, I read an article about the United States first sex scandal - the affair between Alexander Hamilton and Maria Reynolds.  http://blog.constitutioncenter.org/2012/11/current-petraeus-affair-has-nothing-on-nation%E2%80%99s-first-sex-scandal/  So, this stuff has been going on forever.
     Who would be immune to the charms of a beautiful woman?  Dudley Dooright would never cheat on Nell.  Dagwood Bumstead wouldn't get up off the couch to chase a skirt.  On the other hand, you probably couldn't trust Dobie Gillis as far as you could throw him.  Who could resist a handsome, powerful man?  Ginger was a slut, and Mary Ann might have been if she just had a chance.  Nancy Drew was not going to go behind Ned's back.  What would Olive Oyl do?
     O² was a bit fickle.  Bluto might have turned her head if Popeye hadn't interceeded.  Suddenly, I had to know Olive Oyl's whole story.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olive_Oyl  She was created in 1919 by Elzie Crisler Segar for his comic strip "Thimble Theater."  She was the main character for ten years until Popeye became more popular.  Before she and Popeye hooked up, Olive was engaged to Harold Hamgravy.  Olive came from a big family.  Cole Oyl and Nana Oyl were her parents.  Castor Oyl was her brother.  There were more relatives:

          Cylinda Oyl - Sister-in-law
          Deisel Oyl and Violet Oyl - Nieces
          Otto Oyl and Lubry Kent Oyl - Uncles
          Sutra Oyl - Cousin

Yep, Olive Oyl's head could be turned.  It's  for the best that she and Popeye never married.  Once, they came pretty close, though.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DS584Omhzw0

  

       



         
           

Monday, November 12, 2012

Holey Broadloom

     Sacrebleu, the dog chewed a hole in the rug.  This is the second hole.  The first time I thought she was licking the coffee table leg.  On closer inspection, I realized she was pulling out the pile around the leg.  I moved the table over a smidge and covered the damage.  The other day, I heard a snapping sound.  The little mutt lifted the edge of the area rug, and it snapped back against the floor each time she pulled out some yarn.
     I had been thinking about how to fix rugs since the first episode.  I couldn't hide the damage this time, so I had to come up with a solution or buy a new rug.

There's a lot going on in this rug - so many colors.  If you look hard, you'll see the little
perpetrator on the left side of the sofa

     It struck me that embroidery floss comes in every color under the sun.  Embroidery floss is cotton, and my rug is wool.  Embroidery floss also has a sheen.  Still, it might work.  I took the fibers I had pried from the dog's jaws, and I went to Joann.  I found a color that was pretty close to Chewed Area #2.  Chewed Area #1 was black.  I decided the first repair would be Chewed Area #1, the spot under the coffee table leg.  If I made a mess, I could slide the table back over it.  Things turned out okay, so I had the courage to tackle the dog's second transgression.

I threaded a carpet needle with all six strands of embroidery floss.  I poked the needle down through the rug and brought it back to the front side a short distance from the first hole.  I cut the floss and knotted it.  I did this lots of times until the bald spot was filled with long fringe.

Getting there.



Done.  Time to trim.  I used a comb to blend the fibers as I trimmed.

Not a perfect match, but good enough.  If you're not looking for it, you won't notice the repair.

Here's how Chewed Area #1 turned out:


Not so big as Chewed Area #2


Now I can move the table!
   

Friday, November 9, 2012

Green Bean Casserole

     It's time to plan Thanksgiving dinner.  Many of you have moved on from the traditional Thanksgiving green bean casserole to the delicious taste and eye popping colors of Wegman's vegetable medleys.  Change is good, but tradition is warm and comforting.  It's just a shame that Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup is loaded with sodium and fat.
     Last year, I found a recipe for a healthier version of the old standard.  Here goes:

3 tablespoons canola oil, divided
1 medium sweet onion (half diced, half thinly sliced), divided
8 ounces mushrooms, chopped
1 tablespoon onion powder
1 1/4 teaspoons salt, divided
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
2/3 cup all-purpose flour, divided
1 cup low-fat milk
3 tablespoons dry sherry (see Ingredient Note)
1 pound frozen French-cut green beans (about 4 cups)
1/3 cup reduced-fat sour cream
3 tablespoons buttermilk powder (see Ingredient Note)
1 teaspoon paprika
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder


1. Preheat oven to 400°F. Coat a 2 1/2-quart baking dish with cooking spray.
2. Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add diced onion and cook, stirring often, until softened and slightly translucent, about 4 minutes. Stir in mushrooms, onion powder, 1 teaspoon salt, thyme and pepper. Cook, stirring often, until the mushroom juices are almost evaporated, 3 to 5 minutes. Sprinkle 1/3 cup flour over the vegetables; stir to coat. Add milk and sherry and bring to a simmer, stirring often. Stir in green beans and return to a simmer. Cook, stirring, until heated through, about 1 minute. Stir in sour cream and buttermilk powder. Transfer to the prepared baking dish.
3. Whisk the remaining 1/3 cup flour, paprika, garlic powder and the remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt in a shallow dish. Add sliced onion; toss to coat. Heat the remaining 2 tablespoons oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add the onion along with any remaining flour mixture and cook, turning once or twice, until golden and crispy, 4 to 5 minutes. Spread the onion topping over the casserole.
4. Bake the casserole until bubbling, about 15 minutes. Let cool for 5 minutes before serving.

Makes 6 servings, about 3/4 cup each.

Per serving: 212 calories; 10 g fat (2 g sat, 5 g mono); 10 mg cholesterol; 23 g carbohydrate; 7 g protein; 3 g fiber; 533 mg sodium; 259 mg potassium.
Nutrition bonus: Calcium (16% daily value).
1 1/2 Carbohydrate Servings

Exchanges: 1/2 starch, 1 vegetable, 2 fat

     Check out the blog entry from April 26, 2012 for healthier dessert recipes, especially Crustless Pumpkin Pie.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Picky, Picky, Picky

     Did you see the news story about the woman who eats only milk, white bread, and french fries?  http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/adult-picky-eater-will-only-consume-three-kinds-of-food.html   Marla Lopez is an adult picky eater.  The psychologists are saying she might have a real biological component to her problems, and it might not all be in her head.  Let me sound off on this one.  It is all in her head, and there are a variety of ways it got in there.  It seems to me that people can only be fussy about what they eat when food is plentiful.  As a child, I was constantly reminded about the poor, starving children in India when I balked about eating certain foods.  I am certain that those children ate everything on their plates, and they were eating Indian food (something the majority of Americans won't touch with a ten foot pole).
     Another place where kids ate what was put in front of them was the Fiji Islands.  Eating disorders were unheard of until 1995.  Television came to Fiji in 1995, and by 1998 girls began rejecting the previously desirable plump body type.  They wanted to be skinny like the girls they saw on television.  http://bjp.rcpsych.org/content/180/6/509.full  Plump was also the ideal in Africa. When Miss Nigeria consistently came home a loser in beauty pageants, someone got the idea, from watching African satellite television, that a lighter skinned girl with thin hips might fare better. Agbani Darego fit the new ideal.  After winning Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria in 2001, she went on to win the 2001 Miss World title.  She became the first native African to win who was not of European descent.  Now Nigerian girls want to be as thin as Miss Darego.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agbani_Darego 
     It's easy to blame television and fashion magazines for young people's obsession with body image.  I think picky eating can be also be blamed on the example set at the table at home.  What do you suppose Marla Lopez served her kids?  How do you think they would have reacted if she gave them baked chicken, yams, and broccoli while she chowed down on a bag of french fries? I'm not saying picky eaters always have picky parents.  I'm saying picky parents can't expect much better from their kids if they set a bad example.      
     Ms. Lopez says her narrow food preferences are embarrassing.  Yet, not embarrassing enough to make her eat a salad.  I really think she has never been hungry enough to swallow a brussels sprout.  She doesn't know what she's missing.
     
   
   



Thursday, November 1, 2012

Tattoo Me

Since publishing this entry, Tattoo artist Patrick has relocated to Florida.        


     Tattooing has never been more popular.  Just who gets tattoos? The Pew Research Center is a reliable source, and they say -

          14% of Americans in all age groups have a tattoo
          40% of adults in the 26-40 age group have at least one tattoo
         http://pewresearch.org/databank/dailynumber/?NumberID=237

     But what about the over 40 crowd?  Fifteen percent of Baby Boomers (44-64) and 6% of those 64 and over have tattoos.  Mimi Rosenthal is 101 and she has three tattoos.  She got her first at age 95.  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/01/many-women-get-tattoos-po_n_889026.html
     Once you've reached a certain age, the old arguments against tattoos go out the window.  How will it look when you are older?  In Ms. Rosenthal's case, I'm sure the ink looks great.  The tattoo is going to be there for the rest of your life.  A sixty year old is keenly aware of what "the rest of one's life" means.  You're following the herd.  Yeah, the herd of 15%.
     All of the above is a lead in to this - I just got my first tattoo.  It took years for me to work up the nerve to do it.  My reservations all stemmed from fear of blood born pathogens.  I had to be convinced that getting tattooed was safe.  My fears were laid to rest when I learned that tattoo shops in Burlington and Camden Counties are inspected by the local Boards of Health.  All that remained was to select a shop.  I read a lot of online reviews, plowed through lots of websites, and decided on Patrick Tattoo located in West Collingswood Heights.
     Patrick is the owner and sole artist at his shop.  Half the time his shop is open to the public and the other half is for private tattooing sessions.  I went in for a consultation during the public hours.  Patrick explained his shop's sanitation policy, designed my tattoo, and (here's the really cool part) applied a temporary tattoo, so I could try things out before I made the commitment. There was no pressure.  Patrick sent me home to think about the tattoo and invited me to follow up with the Camden County Health Department if I wanted to check his credentials.  Since I'm obsessed with my physical well being, I did call the Health Department.  They couldn't say enough good things about Patrick.  Decision made.  http://tattooartist.com/
     My appointment was completely private.  It took about a half hour to complete my tattoo. The process barely hurt  due to the gobs of numbing cream I applied a couple of hours before tattooing started.  Once the cream wore off it hurt for a day or two - no big deal really. The itchy, healing part was more annoying than the pain.
     The statistics also say that 29% of people with tattoos say their tattoos make them feel rebellious.  I confess to feeling a little like an outlaw.  Additionally, thirty one percent of people with tattoos say their tattoos make them feel more sexy.  http://www.statisticbrain.com/tattoo-statistics/  You've got me there, too.  The last time I felt this liberated, I was sixteen and I sneaked out with my girlfriend and her mother to get my ears pierced.      
     
   
A little tattoo humor -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9x1YgjUoXk