Spring - It's Time to Trash Pick

     I'm a shameless trash picker.  It started in 1975 when I took a drop leaf table (painted bright green) from in front of the dumpster at the Maplewood Apartments.  That table was a thing of beauty after about eighty hours of stipping, sanding, and refinishing.  These days, I have all the furniture I need, but I can't resist tossing roadside finds into the back of the car.
     The latest bonanza was eight assorted chairs and a coffee table.  Alas, the coffee table was scooped up by a fellow forager just as I was returning for my second load of chairs.  All of the chairs are strong, not wobbly, so they will function nicely after a facelift.  Here's the transformation of the first piece, a Captain's Chair:

The finish was falling off the chairs, so a good sanding was all that was required.

 

All sanded and ready for primer.

Primed, then painted with a coat of white paint.

Glammed up with a zebra stripped seat and a top coat of water-based polyurethane.

     The zebra stencil was a free download.  http://pinterest.com/pin/287104544967021634/  I printed it on card stock and cut it out with manicuring scissors.  It was a little tricky tracing the design on the chair seat with the flipping and lining up of the design.
     You'll find this chair sitting out in front of my house - at my next yard sale.

Four C's, Lost Wax, and High Fives

     When Mike and I were engaged, I selected an interesting and unusual ring.  It was not a traditional engagement ring, and these days I don't wear it on my third finger, left hand.  Mike has wanted me to have a traditionally styled engagement ring, but we never could find a ready made ring that looked exactly right sitting next to my wedding ring.  We knew that Family Jewelers http://www.familyjewelers.com/, the Marlton establishment where we bought our wedding rings, had a jewelry designer on staff, so a few weeks ago, we stopped in.
     Gary Spivak is a master jeweler and the in-house designer at Family Jewelers.  With a sense of humor, plenty of good advice, and a few of his signature high fives, he lead us through the process of making a one of a kind ring.  After we selected a stone, Gary sketched the ring that would be made.  The next step was to make a wax model.  After we approved the wax model, a metal ring was made through a process called "lost wax casting."  The wax was enveloped in plaster of Paris, melted away, and replaced with metal.  Then the plaster of Paris was broken away, and the ring was sanded, polished, and the stone was set.
     The most important thing I learned from this experience is not the four C's or how jewelry is made, but how to properly size a ring.  A ring fits properly when it has to be forced a bit to get it over the knuckle.  Since wedding sets are top heavy, they have to be snug enough below the knuckle to prevent spinning.  I didn't want to believe Gary when he set my ring size at 6-1/4, but he was right.  I'll need to have the wedding ring reduced so both rings fit perfectly.  Gary also suggested welding the two rings together so they are always in perfect alignment (kind of like the stars when Mike and I met).
     I don't know why anyone would go to Sansom Street when Family Jewelers is right here in Marlton.  They have been around since 1937 with the third generation running the business these days.  They have a jewelry designer and an appraiser on staff.  If you are in the market for engagement or wedding rings, they have everything from simple to blinding in the cases.  You can buy trendy items like Honora pearls in a rainbow of colors or silver designs by Barbara Bixby and Charles Krypell.  If you want to receive money instead of spending it, Family Jewelers buys gold, platinum, and silver.
     Family Jewelers is another local business that has served us well.  High five!            

Complaining About the Weather

     For the love of God!  When will this snowing, sleeting, windy, bone chilling dampness go away?  I try not to kvetch too much about atmospheric conditions.  After all, Oscar Wilde said, "Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative," and I would hate to be seen as unimaginative.  Yet, complain, I must.
     Check out this map:

This comes from a blog - http://www.eatdrinkandrun.com/about/ 

     I think this is an ingenious way to break up the USofA, weatherwise (and otherwise, in the case of California).  There is however the New Jersey anomaly.  In the Garden State, you can experience almost all zones of suckiness.  Our winters are cold, and we have three ski resorts in the state.  No natural snow?  No problem, they make it.  Like the Pacific northwest, we have lots of rain.  The moss in the lawn and the mold on the siding are proof of that.  Though our summers are not as long as southern summers, they still suck.  Summer is a season of 90º temperatures with oppressive humidity and lots of mosquitoes.  It's off the subject of weather, but New Jersey also sucks for your wallet.  It ain't cheap living here.  On the bright side, this is a good place for plants.  Nothing beats Jersey tomatoes and Jersey corn.  Did I mention blueberries and cranberries?
     There are two times each year when nothing sucks and all is right with the world.  Those times are spring and fall.  Spring is just around the corner, and I can't wait.  

How to Thwart Telephone Solicitors

     I was trying to put the finishing touches on yesterday's blog entry when a woman called offering alternative electric companies.  These same jokers call my cell phone as well as the house phone. Yesterday, Mike asked them to stop calling.  We might be paying too much for power from PSE&G, but we're not interested in switching.  When I informed my caller that I had made many previous requests to be removed from the calling list, and told her again to remove me from her list, she talked right over me, continuing her sales pitch.  I calmly stated that I didn't care about the 40 companies out there who sell power, so take me off the list.  She kept talking.  Again, I said, "Take me off your list."  She kept talking.  Calmly and firmly, I said, "You need to close your mouth and take me off your list."  She said, "Don't talk to me that way."  And she kept on selling. So I hung up.
     Here's where the fun began.  About 60 seconds after I hung up, the phone rang.  I picked it up, and the caller hung up on me.      A few minutes later, the phone rang again.   I ignored it.  Several minutes later, I had another call.  I picked up.  This time the caller was a male.  He launched into the same speech my earlier female caller used.  I set the phone on the counter and went back to blogging.  After about fifteen minutes, I hung up the phone.  It's been a couple of hours, and "alternative energy" hasn't called me back, though I'm sure they will be at it again tomorrow.
     How do you get rid of these people?  The honest answer is that you don't, and you probably can't.  We placed our home and cell numbers on the Do Not Call List.  You can do this by going to the Do Not Call website at http://www.donotcall.gov or by calling 888-382-1222.  Even if you place your numbers on the list, some organizations are exempt, and will call you.  Charities, political campaigns, and survey takers are exempt.  Companies with whom you have done business in the last 18 months (and their affiliates and partners) are also allowed to call.  Any energy company could claim to be an affiliate of any other with all the buying and trading of power that goes on in that business.  If you have a blocking feature on the phone, you could block solicitor's phone numbers.  However, this is probably an exercise in futility.  Solicitors have multiple numbers in different area codes.  My four calls today came from four different phone numbers.
     It seems our only recourse is to have some fun at the caller's expense.  One way to do this is to waste the caller's time.  Solicitors need to make lots of calls before they find someone who actually buys what they are selling.  Keeping them from moving on the next call might get you removed from their call lists.  You could put them on hold - permanently.  They usually catch on pretty quickly, so you might want to try some more creative ploys.  Act like you are hard of hearing and ask them to repeat everything, or say you were distracted and ask them to begin again.  Tell then you have to go to the bathroom, and ask if they will hold until you get back.  Better yet, tell them nature calls, take the phone into the bathroom, and continue the conversation while interjecting sound effects and flushing.  After they have spoken a while, tell them a wild story, ask them for romantic advice, or tell them you are the visiting nurse for an elderly deaf person, and you have to sign everything they say to the homeowner (who is very interested in their product and insists on hearing the full spiel).
     About a decade ago, I had a caller who insisted on speaking to "the man of the house."  Single girls shouldn't tell strangers they live alone, so I said my husband was absent.  The caller insisted on getting a phone number where my spouse could be reached.  Before hanging up I gave them this number: 1-800- PEARLY GATES.  My "ex" had passed on since the divorce, so it wasn't a lie. Not that long ago, I had a persistent caller who sounded like they might be a member of the Hindu faith.  I asked they if they knew Jesus as their personal savior.  As they stammered, I launched into my best Baptist Sunday School testimony.    I've also asked callers if they wouldn't rather take me up on a business opportunity to sell Amway, or Avon, or Mary Kay.
     You could ask your caller if they like their job, how long they have worked at it, how much it pays, if you could get a job there - anything to take up their time and get them nowhere.    Beware, however, you could end up with your number on one of their special lists.  Numbers on  that list gets calls at all sorts of inconvenient times, especially meal time.  We eat at crazy hours in this house, so the joke's on them.
     Maybe, deep down, I like telephone solicitors.  They give me an opportunity to be as ornery as I want with impunity.  Each call is an opportunity for me to get some snarkiness out of my system, and for that, Mike thanks them.
   
   
           

PBS's "Call the Midwife"

     Step aside "Downton Abbey."  Another PBS series has captured my attention.  "Call the Midwife" began in the fall of 2012 and ran for six episodes.  http://www.pbs.org/call-the-midwife/home/  It returns on March 31, 2013.  The show is based on the memoirs of Jennifer Lee Worth, a 1950's nurse-midwife who worked in London's East End. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jennifer_Worth
     My friend clued me in to "Call the Midwife."  I expected I could watch the episodes I missed using our on-demand feature.  Alas, we can't get PBS on-demand.  It only took a few clicks of the mouse to find that I could watch Channel 12 online.  You get the full episode with only a few short commercials, and it's free.  Hurry up, because the first season is available only until April 17, 2013. http://video.pbs.org/program/call-midwife/  Besides "Call the Midwife," there are lots of other PBS shows you can watch online.  Just click the "programs" button located at the top left of the screen. The drop down box offers a multitude of options with a link to even more at the bottom of the drop down list.
     The National Health Service in the UK was established after World War II.  Nurse-midwives were an important part of the service.  They greatly reduced mother and infant mortality by bringing prenatal, labor and delivery, and postnatal care to women who, for many reasons, still delivered at home.  Though most babies in the UK are born in the hospital these days, midwives still practice. Most work through the National Health.  Some independent midwives practice, but the requirement that they be fully insured discourages independent practice.
     Mary Breckinridge started the nurse-midwife ball rolling in the United States in 1925.  She established the Frontier Nursing Service.  The service trained midwives, who were sent out on horse back, to care for women living in the remote, mountainous areas of Kentucky.  After seven years, the Metropolitan Life Insurance Company conducted a study which showed that women served by the Frontier Nurses had the lowest mortality rates in the United States.  The Frontier Nursing University, established in 1939, is still open today.
     The United States is smaller than it used to be.  Most people have access to hospitals.  After the Second World War home birth fell out of favor.  Unless they are Amish, you'll be hard pressed to find a Baby Boomer who wasn't born in the hospital.  Interest in alternative birthing experiences increased in the 1990's, and interest in midwife training returned.  Today, if you want less medical intervention and would like to deliver at home, you'll have to buck the establishment.  Home delivery is not the norm, and insurance companies want deliveries to occur in hospitals.  South Jersey residents would probably have to go to northern New Jersey, Philadelphia or Wilmington to connect with a midwife.  Here's a website from a woman with a BS in nursing who went on to obtain a certificate from the Frontier School:  http://www.babycatcher.com/index.html
Here's another link to a group of midwives:  http://www.midwiferycare.org/midwife/about.html 
     Back in the 1990's, I read a book about midwifery in the state of Alabama.  Listen to Me Good is the story of Margaret Charles Smith.  http://www.awhf.org/mcsmith.html  She obtained a license to practice as a midwife in 1949 and worked until Alabama outlawed midwives in 1976.  In England, midwives were the National Health's answer to getting good medical care to all expectant mothers.  In Alabama, the midwives kept black women away from the hospitals - places that served whites only.  I got Listen to Me Good at the county library.  Unfortunately, they no longer have the book.  You can probably get it through an inter-library loan or you can buy it on Amazon. Here's the link:  http://www.amazon.com/LISTEN-TO-ME-GOOD-PERSPECTIVE/dp/0814207014/ref=rec_dp_0 
     There's an astounding difference between 1950's East End baby deliveries and Alabama deliveries during the same time period.  The PBS series and Margaret Charles Smith's book will give you food for thought on the subjects of race, access to medical care, and national health plans.  Touchy subjects, all.                    
     

A Yarn About Yarn

     I admit it.  I have gotten carried away with all the different types of animals who give us yarn. It's novel to have a hat woven from Rover or a hairball necklace from Tabby, but I'll bet you had no idea what a status symbol it is to have a scarf made out of muskox. It's called qiviuq or qiviut (pronounced kee-vee-ut), and it's the world's most expensive wool.  It is also one of the world's softest wools, and it won't shrink when you wash it, no matter how hot the water.  A qiviuq scarf can cost $300, but it will last 20 years.  I'm assuming that's 20 years of almost daily wear since I have some acrylic scarves that might be approaching the two decade mark.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qiviut
     Everybody knows wool comes from sheep.  I suppose almost everyone knows that angora comes from rabbits and cashmere, mohair, and pashmina come from goats.  I never considered that camel coats really come from camels.  I just thought it referred to the tan color.  Other members of the camel family are prized for their wool - alpacas, guanancos, llamas, and vacuñas. The yak has hair that is odor resistant and is desirable for garment making.
     School kids are taught about silk worms, but did you know that byssus cloth or sea silk is made from the filaments clams secrete to attach themselves to surfaces?  Catgut was used for surgical sutures when I was a child.  It is also used to make strings for musical intruments.  It doesn't come from kitty cat intestines, but from the intestines of sheep, goats, hogs, horses, or donkeys - in other words from cattle.
     I marvel at human resourcefulness.  Who decided to shave sheep, spin their hair, and weave it?  Who figured out knitting and crocheting?  They didn't have rocket scientists several thousand years ago.  They had farmers, fisherman, and herdsmen.  Those guys were freakin' brillant.
       

Equal Time for Cats

     After writing about eating dogs, I wondered if people eat cats.  Yes, they do, but the practice of eating felines is not as common as eating dogs, even in China.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat_meat
     So, what is a cat good for besides jumping up on the kitchen counters?  Flora Davis sells fur ball jewelry.  Relax, it's not fur the cat yakked up, it's fur obtained from combing the cat.  http://www.accessoriesmagazine.com/5040/the-latest-in-jewelry-cat-fur-necklaces

If you are interested, here's how to buy a cat fur necklace: http://ifitshipitshere.blogspot.com/2011/05/jewelry-cat-coughed-up-feline-furball.html

          I think that pretty much covers what you can do with a live cat.  There was a book printed in 1981 that contains one hundred and one uses for a dead feline.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/101_Uses_for_a_Dead_Cat

     ♪ ♪ ♪  "Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur..."   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2miYPnDVHI

In Asia, They Eat Dogs

     The latest Asian dog abuse story is not about serving Fido at a wedding feast, but about trimming coats and sweaters with dog fur.  Mark Jacobs designer jackets, sold by Century 21 department stores, are marked "faux fur."  They are actually trimmed with Chinese raccoon dog fur.  This fur is very poor quality, so it is cheaper to use than fake fur.  The Humane Society of the United States has investigated this situation in New York State.  They are calling for merchants like Century 21 to investigate their inventory more carefully to be sure that manufacturer's labels are accurate.  This is important because a large number of consumers who won't wear animal fur.  http://shine.yahoo.com/fashion/fake-fur-might-actually-real-dog-183400949.html
     Reading this article reminded me of something I read in the newspaper many years ago.  Dog hair can be spun into yarn and used to make hats, scarves, and sweaters.  Anything you can make with wool, you can make with dog.  They even have a name for dog yarn - chiengora.  That word is a combination of the French word chien, which means dog, and the word angora, which is a soft yarn made from angora rabbit hair.
     Chiengora is heavier and warmer than ordinary wool.  The more you wash it, the more it fluffs up.  The more it fluffs, the more it insulates the wearer from the cold.  Some people only wear chiengora hats and scarves.  They maintain full garments like sweaters are too hot.  The fluffy aspect that dog yarn garments exhibit is know as a halo.  Mixing dog fiber with wool fiber reduces the halo somewhat, but does not eliminate it.  The advantage to adding wool fiber is that it gives dog yarn elasticity.  This makes the fiber much more manageable when knitting.
     Wearing the hair of the dog is not a commercial venture.  Turning what the dog sheds (or what the owner brushes out) into yarn, is too labor intensive to be profitable.  Still, there are some people out there who will spin your pet's hair into yarn.  If I collected Mardi's hair for her lifetime, I might have enough for a nice hat and scarf.  I could send the hair to Detta's Spindle in Minnesota, and she would return skeins of Mardi to me.  http://www.dettasspindle.net/WoofspunDogYarn/WoofspunDogYarn.html
     Check out these pictures of people wearing garments made from their dogs.  http://ifitshipitshere.blogspot.com/2008/10/wearing-hair-of-dog-portraits-of-people.html
     Getting back to Asians and their reputation for eating dogs - surprise, they aren't the only ones. It is documented that dogs have been consumed in North America and Europe.  In Europe dogs were a meat of last resort during hard times.  In dire times people in the Arctic and Antarctica also used dogs as food.  Beware, the article contains graphic pictures of butchered dogs:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dog_meat
     It has been against the law in the Philippines to slaughter dogs for food since 1998.  However, I managed to find this recipe for stewed dog (wedding style): http://www.recipesource.com/ethnic/asia/filipino/00/rec0001.html 
     I doubt the veracity of this article.  The writer, an American man, married a filippina woman. Someone in her family recommended the dog entré be served at the wedding.  Later the groom found out serving dog at a wedding is a bad idea.  Common belief is that it can cause the couple to fight like dogs on their honeymoon.  Either the joke was on this groom, or it's on anyone who reads this article.
     Here's a website that can't be real: http://www.cookyourpet.com/frames_intro.htm  Use the drop down box to navigate the site. I'm sure the owner of this site thinks they are hysterically funny.  I'm not laughing.

Panhandling in Hainesport

     Do I look like a soft touch?  Evidently, because I've been approached by beggars several times during the past year in Hainesport and other local towns.  I don't think it has anything to do with "this economy," a phrase I frequently hear.  During my life, there have been ten recessions (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_recessions_in_the_United_States), and I have never been approached and asked for money -  until recently.  I don't know the reason tapping passersby for a handout has become commonplace.  I suspect it's how people support drug habits.  
     The Hainesport Shop Rite is a place panhandlers operate.  During my first experience, a pathetic looking guy with bad teeth and a twisted foot asked me for gas money, so he could get back to Browns Mills.  I offered to drive over to the Wawa in the same shopping complex.  If he would follow with his vehicle, I would pay for his gas.  As I expected, he said, "No, thanks."  The next time it happened, I said no and kept on walking.  I've also been approached at Target and Home Depot in Westampton.  There was even an agitated guy walking down our street banging on doors and asking for money.
     The requests for handouts have gotten so annoying that I decided to find out if there are state or county laws against panhandling or local ordinances governing the act.  I couldn't find anything.  It turns out soliciting charity is not illegal, and most communities won't touch the issue with a ten foot pole.  Passing laws against panhandling almost always leaves municipalities open to law suits from "well-organized, well-funded, and extremely litigious organizations" according to one source I read (http://www.cjlf.org/publications/RegulatePanhandling.pdf).  One of our most cherished rights in this country is freedom of speech.  Asking for money is merely exercising that freedom.  Just about any panhandling law would tread on the hustler's constitutional rights.
     I learned that controlling panhandling is usually done through informal means.  Passersby, merchants, and police all work together to manage the practice.  People give to make themselves feel good.  Merchants tolerate some begging at their establishments.  Some merchants even give food to panhandlers or give them odd jobs.  Police often see that panhandlers land at the local social services office if their activities get out of hand.
     You're on your own dealing with beggars.  Here's what to do if you don't choose to give:

     1. Ignore the request.  Don't establish eye contact or smile.
     2. Shake your head to indicate no if a request is made of you, and you don't want to speak.
     3. Respond with a verbal no.
     4. Keep moving.
   

     Organize your money and take out your keys before you leave the store.  Don't fiddle with your wallet once you leave.  Don't say you are sorry.  Don't say you would give them something if only you could.  Don't say you have no cash, only a credit card.  Don't respond in an indignant or threatening way.  That means don't threaten to report them to a store manager or threaten to call the police.
     Sometimes panhandlers are aggressive.  They might touch you, follow you, or block your way. They might use obscene or abusive language.  If you fear for your safety or feel intimidated, first try to get out of the situation.  If you are at a store, go back inside.  Now is the time to report the panhandling to the manager and get an escort to your car.  Now might be the time to pull out your cell phone and call the police.  If you can't get away and you can't make a call, you are no longer dealing with a panhandler.  You're being robbed.  There's a different handbook for robbery, and I haven't researched that one yet.        
   
   


   
        

Bathroom Humor

     Years ago my brother-in-law asked why so much of the nieces' and nephews' talk was about pee and poop.  Occasionally they mentioned vomiting, but for the most part conversations were scatological.  He never liked hearing the prattle, especially if we were at the table.  The talk never bothered me.  What can you expect from a four year old who has spent anywhere from several months to two years perfecting the art of eliminating in the toilet?  Potty training was the center of the child's and the mother's universe for so long it had to be important.  Important things cause stress.  Joking around relieves stress.  A toddler has to blow off a little steam, you know.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUQFy7-RS1o
     It hit me the other day that Mike and I have a lot of poop discussions.  More accurately, I discuss poop, and Mike asks if he has to listen.  Our exchanges concern the dog.  Whenever she is unwell, she develops a case of the runs.  I know she's all better when the doodles return to normal.  If Mike takes her out for her morning business when she's sick, I grill him about the characteristics of the dog's dump.  Was it runny or was it formed?  Did it look like she ate any non-food items?  What color was it?  The last time I asked for a full report Mike's response was, "So, are you a poo-tologist now?"  Another time I thought the dog might be going too many times per day, so I asked Mike if he was picking up old or new poop.  He responded that he couldn't answer because it didn't have a "born on" date.  Nanny, nanny boo boo to me.
     All joking aside, poop and the place from which it comes should be taken seriously.  March is Colorectal Awareness Month. Colorectal cancer is the second leading cause of death in the United States.  More than 90% of cases occur in people over the age of 50.  Both of my grandmothers died of colon cancer.
     Symptoms of colorectal cancer include blood in or on the bowel movement, pain, aches, and cramps that won't go away, and losing weight for no known reason.  Early detection is the key to surviving colorectal cancer.  Screenings should begin at age 50.  These screenings might be colonoscopy (examination of the entire colon), flexible sigmoidoscopy (examination of about the bottom third of the colon), and high sensitivity fecal occult blood testing (or the stool test).
     If you have medical insurance, your doctor should be reminding you to get tested.  If you don't have insurance, and you are between the ages of 50 and 64, you might be eligible for the CDC's Colorectal Cancer Control Program.  http://www.cdc.gov/cancer/crccp/  This program is available in 25 states and to four Native American tribes.  If you are age 65 or older, contact Medicare for screening information at 1-800-MEDICARE (1-800-633-4227).  You might be eligible for colorectal cancer screening through the New Jersey Cancer Education and Early Detection Screening Program (NJCEED) if your income falls within certain limits.  Call 1-800-328-3838.  You can also call the Burlington County Health Department at 609-265-5297.
     So, take care of the old poop chute.  Get over it and submit to the anal probe.  Save your ass.  And if you think I'm crude, get a load of this quote from Harry S. Truman, the 33rd President of the United States - "Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day."


       
       

Happy Blogday to "Happy in Hainesport"

     Take 3 minutes, 13 seconds for a musical interlude:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqH21LEmfbQ

     "Happy in Hainesport" began one year ago on February 29, 2012.  Debuting on Leap Day, the same as being born on Leap Day, means birthdays are celebrated on March 1st three years out of four.  So, today is the day to say, " HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!"  
     I didn't know how long I would last when I started the blog.  I decided to aim for one year.  Having hit the mark, it's time to decide: stay or go?  Before making that decision, I tried to find some statistics on the lifespan of blogs.  According to Caslon Analytics, the average blog has "the lifespan of a fruit fly" - about one month.  Sixty to eighty percent of blogs disappear within that time period.  The rest might hang around for a little less than three years, 33.8 months being the average.  H in H has outlasted twelve generations of fruit flies.  I say we aim for the three year mark.  Here comes trouble.