Bathroom Humor

     Years ago my brother-in-law asked why so much of the nieces' and nephews' talk was about pee and poop.  Occasionally they mentioned vomiting, but for the most part conversations were scatological.  He never liked hearing the prattle, especially if we were at the table.  The talk never bothered me.  What can you expect from a four year old who has spent anywhere from several months to two years perfecting the art of eliminating in the toilet?  Potty training was the center of the child's and the mother's universe for so long it had to be important.  Important things cause stress.  Joking around relieves stress.  A toddler has to blow off a little steam, you know.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUQFy7-RS1o
     It hit me the other day that Mike and I have a lot of poop discussions.  More accurately, I discuss poop, and Mike asks if he has to listen.  Our exchanges concern the dog.  Whenever she is unwell, she develops a case of the runs.  I know she's all better when the doodles return to normal.  If Mike takes her out for her morning business when she's sick, I grill him about the characteristics of the dog's dump.  Was it runny or was it formed?  Did it look like she ate any non-food items?  What color was it?  The last time I asked for a full report Mike's response was, "So, are you a poo-tologist now?"  Another time I thought the dog might be going too many times per day, so I asked Mike if he was picking up old or new poop.  He responded that he couldn't answer because it didn't have a "born on" date.  Nanny, nanny boo boo to me.
     All joking aside, poop and the place from which it comes should be taken seriously.  March is Colorectal Awareness Month. Colorectal cancer is the second leading cause of death in the United States.  More than 90% of cases occur in people over the age of 50.  Both of my grandmothers died of colon cancer.
     Symptoms of colorectal cancer include blood in or on the bowel movement, pain, aches, and cramps that won't go away, and losing weight for no known reason.  Early detection is the key to surviving colorectal cancer.  Screenings should begin at age 50.  These screenings might be colonoscopy (examination of the entire colon), flexible sigmoidoscopy (examination of about the bottom third of the colon), and high sensitivity fecal occult blood testing (or the stool test).
     If you have medical insurance, your doctor should be reminding you to get tested.  If you don't have insurance, and you are between the ages of 50 and 64, you might be eligible for the CDC's Colorectal Cancer Control Program.  http://www.cdc.gov/cancer/crccp/  This program is available in 25 states and to four Native American tribes.  If you are age 65 or older, contact Medicare for screening information at 1-800-MEDICARE (1-800-633-4227).  You might be eligible for colorectal cancer screening through the New Jersey Cancer Education and Early Detection Screening Program (NJCEED) if your income falls within certain limits.  Call 1-800-328-3838.  You can also call the Burlington County Health Department at 609-265-5297.
     So, take care of the old poop chute.  Get over it and submit to the anal probe.  Save your ass.  And if you think I'm crude, get a load of this quote from Harry S. Truman, the 33rd President of the United States - "Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day."