Did You Get Anything Done Today?

6:30 a.m. – Up and at ‘em because dog refuses to stay in bed until 7:30.  It’s time to pee and chase some birds.

6:45 a.m. – Pick up dog poop.  Chase dog into house so she can’t dig another hole in the back yard.

7:00 a.m. – Help husband move 1,000 pound dresser in order to accomplish the day’s goal of painting one bedroom wall.

7:15 a.m. – Prepare breakfast.  Check email to kill time while waiting for husband to finish grooming rituals.

7:30 a.m. – Holler at husband to come and eat.

8:00 a.m. – Chase husband out door.

8:15 a.m. – Ignore whining dog while trying to write blog.

8:20 a.m. – Let dog out.

8:30 a.m. – Catch dog enlarging hole by fence.  Beg dog to come inside.  Trick dog into running back inside by making self object of chase. 

8:40 a.m. - Alternately write blog while threatening to throw dog out with the trash if she doesn’t stop whining.

9:30 a.m. – Climb ladder and begin caulking cracks in bedroom woodwork before painting.

9:40 a.m. – Climb down ladder to answer phone.  Receive update on progress of custom made picture frames.  Change some aspects of the job because Picture Frame Guy offers some interesting alternatives.

9:47 a.m. – Climb back up ladder.

9:49 a.m. – Descend ladder because Picture Frame Guy calls again. 

10:00 a.m. – Decide to start dinner.  Pull out recipe from the little cook book that came with the slow cooker back in 1975.  Wonder why this recipe hasn’t been committed to memory by now.

Pot Roasted Pork

3-4 lb. pork loin roast

Salt and pepper

1 clove garlic, sliced

2 medium onions

2 bay leaves

1 whole clove

1 cup hot water

2 tbs. soy sauce

Trim all excess fat from meat.  Make slits in meat and insert slivers of garlic.  Add some oil to Dutch oven and brown meat on all sides.  Put a layer of sliced onion in the bottom of the slow cooker.  Add the browned meat.  Sprinkle with salt and pepper.  Cover with more sliced onion and add other ingredients.  Cover and cook on low until done – about 10 hours.  Or cook on high for two hours and turn back to low for 6 more hours.

10:35 a.m. – Begin applying blue painter’s tape.  Consider taping dog’s mouth shut.  Instead, nudge her out the back door.  Supervise the trip.  Bring her in as soon as she squats.  Spread drop cloths, fill paint tray, realize that human bladder should have been emptied one half hour ago.

10:56 a.m. – Sprint to bathroom.  Wonder for the umpteenth time why dog finds the flushing process so fascinating.  Chase dog away in order to lower lid.

11:00 a.m. – Let dog out, but not because she has to eliminate.

11:01 a.m. – Take a break.  Breaks are for washing breakfast dishes and scouring the impossible-to-keep-clean surface of the ceramic cook top.  Curse electric stove and vow to convert to gas.

11: 16 a.m. – Call dog inside.  Watch her look up then go back to pulling out clumps of grass.  Curse dog.  Again, dupe dog into returning to house by making self object of chase.  Wonder if neighbors are watching.  Pry clump of grass from dog’s locked jaws.  Wash dog’s filthy feet.

11:30 a.m. – Thrown in a load of laundry.

11:35 a.m. – Return to bedroom.  Put on old clothes.  Begin painting.

12:10 p.m. – Note commotion in kitchen.  Washer has gone off balance.  Run for the kitchen and catch glimpse of dog running in the opposite direction.  Rearrange wet clothes, restart washer, and hang on to it as it completes cycle.

12:17 p.m. – Notice dog has stopped shaking and is resting in crate.  Return to painting.

1:17 p.m. – Hear dog yipping.  Enter living room and see dog sitting at back door, vocalizing.  Suspect it’s a lie, but let her out.  Observe dog scanning terrain for squirrels and wild turkeys, sniffing around, and finally, eating a piece of mulch.  Five minutes pass.  Spy dog moving toward site of previous digging.  Knock vigorously on window and smile when dog leaps aside.  Call dog and she comes.

1:30 p.m. – Finish painting wall.  Stand back and admire work.  Think briefly that the new color is a lot like the old color.  Reconsider and conclude that it is nothing like the old color.  It’s very different – a complete change.

1:40 p.m. – Feel stabbing hunger pains.  Consume banana, juice, and this morning’s vitamins.

1:46 p.m. – Decide to take a bath.  Hair washing can wait one more day.  Put dog in crate.  Close door.  Admonish self for the smug feeling that accompanies closing the crate.  Dress, leave house.  Go to Petsmart for dog food, order fabric at Joann for making bed skirt, pick up weekly groceries at Shop Rite.

5:30 p.m. – Return home.  Reluctantly release dog from crate.  Dog wants to be under foot.  Jettison dog out back door.  Unpack groceries while dog stands on hind legs at side fence.  Marvel that she longs for a visit from the pooch next door.  All he ever does is lift his leg, pee in her direction, and saunter back home.  Theorize that man and beast operate on the same principles when it concerns infatuation.

6:00 p.m. – Husband walks through door.  Dog greets him enthusiastically.  Husband asks, “Was she a good girl today?”  Wife responds, “Did you have fun at work today?”  Then spouse asks, “Did you get anything done today?”  Husband spends the evening letting dog in and out four more times while wife watches television.