How Much Does it Really Cost to be Hot?

     I read an article about the high cost of Jennifer Aniston's good looks.  The total cost is a whopping $141,037.97 per year!  Jen goes in for $295 facial peels, $600 hair cuts, and $80 eye brow shaping.  Her personal trainer costs $300 per visit, after which the friendly one's well toned body gets a $45 bi-weekly spray tan.  The tab for pre-made meals is $385 per week.  Make-up runs $4,402 annually.  The writer of the article states that Ms. Aniston's only confirmed cosmetic procedures were two nose jobs.  Fancy Beverly Hills plastic surgeons charge around $9,000 for a rhinoplasty.  I suppose if you divide the cost of two nose jobs by the remaining number of years one expects to live, the average annual cost is pretty reasonable.

     Hainesport isn't Hollywood.  I feel safe saying there is no such thing around these parts as a $600 haircut.  I'm satisfied with the $25 trim I get at Sheer Perfection.  I don't know if Jennifer has to cover any gray hairs, but I use L'oreal very six weeks, and it runs $8.99 per box.  The Noritate that I use to keep rosacea at bay sets me back $18 for the co-pay.  I barely have to tweeze my brows.  Forty years of plucking has killed most of the hair follicles.  Forget the personal trainer.  Cleaning gutters and moving furniture is a great way to stay in shape.  Spanx will do the rest.  I buy a fresh mascara every six months since mascara is a medium for all sorts of bacteria.  I'm not conscientious about replacing any other cosmetic item, and my Mabelline Brush On Brow Color is probably three years old.  Most of my make-up comes from Walmart or CVS, but I occasionally treat myself to an item from the department store make-up counter.  I'm sure my annual make-up budget does not exceed $100.  Forty five dollar spray tans?  I can buy a couple of tubes of Banana Boat self tanner and a huge bottle of No Ad sunblock for that price, and it lasts from April till October.  My half of our $100 per week grocery bill is $50.  That's $2,600 per year.  However, the actual cost of food is less since items like toilet paper and trash bags are included in the grocery bill.

Some quick math shows that I can hold body and soul together for $3,199.35 per year - that's $137,838.62 less than Jen's bill.  A nose job, a little work around the eyes, and a tummy tuck are tempting, but Mike says I'm hot just the way I am.

Happiness is knowing you look good enough to be Jennifer Aniston's mother.