I was trying to put the finishing touches on yesterday's blog entry when a woman called offering alternative electric companies. These same jokers call my cell phone as well as the house phone. Yesterday, Mike asked them to stop calling. We might be paying too much for power from PSE&G, but we're not interested in switching. When I informed my caller that I had made many previous requests to be removed from the calling list, and told her again to remove me from her list, she talked right over me, continuing her sales pitch. I calmly stated that I didn't care about the 40 companies out there who sell power, so take me off the list. She kept talking. Again, I said, "Take me off your list." She kept talking. Calmly and firmly, I said, "You need to close your mouth and take me off your list." She said, "Don't talk to me that way." And she kept on selling. So I hung up.
Here's where the fun began. About 60 seconds after I hung up, the phone rang. I picked it up, and the caller hung up on me. A few minutes later, the phone rang again. I ignored it. Several minutes later, I had another call. I picked up. This time the caller was a male. He launched into the same speech my earlier female caller used. I set the phone on the counter and went back to blogging. After about fifteen minutes, I hung up the phone. It's been a couple of hours, and "alternative energy" hasn't called me back, though I'm sure they will be at it again tomorrow.
How do you get rid of these people? The honest answer is that you don't, and you probably can't. We placed our home and cell numbers on the Do Not Call List. You can do this by going to the Do Not Call website at http://www.donotcall.gov or by calling 888-382-1222. Even if you place your numbers on the list, some organizations are exempt, and will call you. Charities, political campaigns, and survey takers are exempt. Companies with whom you have done business in the last 18 months (and their affiliates and partners) are also allowed to call. Any energy company could claim to be an affiliate of any other with all the buying and trading of power that goes on in that business. If you have a blocking feature on the phone, you could block solicitor's phone numbers. However, this is probably an exercise in futility. Solicitors have multiple numbers in different area codes. My four calls today came from four different phone numbers.
It seems our only recourse is to have some fun at the caller's expense. One way to do this is to waste the caller's time. Solicitors need to make lots of calls before they find someone who actually buys what they are selling. Keeping them from moving on the next call might get you removed from their call lists. You could put them on hold - permanently. They usually catch on pretty quickly, so you might want to try some more creative ploys. Act like you are hard of hearing and ask them to repeat everything, or say you were distracted and ask them to begin again. Tell then you have to go to the bathroom, and ask if they will hold until you get back. Better yet, tell them nature calls, take the phone into the bathroom, and continue the conversation while interjecting sound effects and flushing. After they have spoken a while, tell them a wild story, ask them for romantic advice, or tell them you are the visiting nurse for an elderly deaf person, and you have to sign everything they say to the homeowner (who is very interested in their product and insists on hearing the full spiel).
About a decade ago, I had a caller who insisted on speaking to "the man of the house." Single girls shouldn't tell strangers they live alone, so I said my husband was absent. The caller insisted on getting a phone number where my spouse could be reached. Before hanging up I gave them this number: 1-800- PEARLY GATES. My "ex" had passed on since the divorce, so it wasn't a lie. Not that long ago, I had a persistent caller who sounded like they might be a member of the Hindu faith. I asked they if they knew Jesus as their personal savior. As they stammered, I launched into my best Baptist Sunday School testimony. I've also asked callers if they wouldn't rather take me up on a business opportunity to sell Amway, or Avon, or Mary Kay.
You could ask your caller if they like their job, how long they have worked at it, how much it pays, if you could get a job there - anything to take up their time and get them nowhere. Beware, however, you could end up with your number on one of their special lists. Numbers on that list gets calls at all sorts of inconvenient times, especially meal time. We eat at crazy hours in this house, so the joke's on them.
Maybe, deep down, I like telephone solicitors. They give me an opportunity to be as ornery as I want with impunity. Each call is an opportunity for me to get some snarkiness out of my system, and for that, Mike thanks them.
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