Wait Staff Gimmicks

     I don't smoke, take drugs, or gamble.  In recent years I've all but stopped going to the movies. The two of us can see a flick on FiOS for $4.99, or we can get an entire TV series from the library for free.  My discretionary income is spent on going out for meals.  I've been hooked on eating out since my Patty's and Tumulty's Pub days in college.
     If you are going to dine out, you have to tip the server.  Over the years, I have observed a number of gimmicks that wait staff employ, probably to increase that tip.  A really long time ago, probably in the 70's, there was a waiter at the Burlington Diner (now Amy's Omelette House) who never wrote down orders.  He also never repeated your order back to you.  No matter how big the party or how complicated their orders, he never made a mistake.  People theorized that he had a tape recorder in his apron pocket.  I sort of doubt that since the cassette tape, the latest technology in the 1970's, would have required a recording machine big enough to be obvious in an apron pocket.  Even in the 1980's when tape recorders were reduced to a size not much bigger than the cassette itself (think Sony Walkman), I doubt that waiter was taping his customers.  I think he was a guy with an exceptional memory who was smart enough put on a little floor show and collect big tips.
     Maybe it was during the late 1990's that I encountered a waiter who responded to everything anyone said with, "Thank you."
     Him:  "Thank you.  What would you like for dinner tonight?  Thank you"
     Me: "I'll have the chicken breast with rice pilaf."
     Him: "Thank you.  What dressing on your salad?  Thank you."
     Me:  "French dressing (was I supposed to add please or thank you?)."
     Him: "Thank you.  And you sir?  Thank you"
     I thought it was a bizarre encounter, and, if I had been in charge of calculating that tip, I would not have added an extra percentage.
     In the early 2000's I encountered a waiter who squatted next to the table to take my order. Maybe he wanted to be at eye level with his customers.  Maybe towering above someone is dominant and squatting makes us all chummy.  For a fleeting moment, I thought the guy was groveling, and I wanted him to stop.  I would rather he pulled up a chair.
     These days I occasionally encounter someone who can remember a table full of meal requests.  Lots of waitresses draw smiley faces on the back of my checks.  I also hear, "You got it." and "Excellent choice."  I can tolerate you got it, but excellent choice rubs me the wrong way.  Does the server who says excellent choice ever say, "That choice sucks.  Order something else."?
     All gimmicks aside, I can tell you what really makes me shell out some extra green - extra special service.  I love the dipping oil at Bone Fish.  I mentioned this to one waitress, and she brought a bag to the table loaded with bread and two containers of dip.  I told a waiter at Flemings that I was freezing.  He actually turned off the vent over our table.  Many a wait person has told me they would reduce the AC, but never had one really done it.  Both of these servers wrote down my order, remained standing, and didn't tell me I had it, but they earned themselves an extra big tip.