What Was Target Thinking?

Have you seen the new Target television commercial?  A hot air balloon descends.  When it lands, lots of acrobats in brightly colored suits jump out and race through people’s lives spreading color everywhere they go.  Everything from dowdy wardrobes to boring table settings are brightened up with something from Target’s trendy inventory.  All the while we hear the French song “Alouette” playing in the background.  The whole spot is very lively and entertaining.  But what about the music and lyrics?  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxQjBYRD0_s

“Alouette” is a French Canadian children’s song.  Alouette is the French word for skylark, a type of bird.  The French colonists in Canada loved to eat skylarks, and the song is about plucking the feathers off the little critters.  The singer tells the bird that he’ll “pluck his head, nose, eyes, wings, and tail.”  

     These days, Cornish game hens probably substitute for skylarks.  The song is used to teach French and English speaking Canadian children the parts of the body.  As they sing, they point to their heads, nose, and so on.

     Here’s the song in French with a loose English translation:

Alouette, gentile Alouette     (Little skylark, lovely little skylark)

Alouette, je te plumerai        (Little skylark, I’ll pluck your feathers off)

Je te plumerai la tete           (I’ll pluck the feathers off your head)

Je te plumerai la tete           (I’ll pluck the feathers off your head)

Et la tête                                (Off your head)

Et la tête                                (Off your head)

Alouette                                 (Little skylark)                                                                 

Alouette                                 (Little skylark)

O-o-o-o-h                                                                         

The song continues:

Et le bec           (Off your nose)
Et le cou           (Off your neck)                                                                      

Et le dos           (Off your back)                                                                         

Et les ailes        (Off your wings)                                                                     

Et les pattes      (Off your feet)                                                                  

Et la queue        (Off your tail)                                                                     

     Target (Tar-Zhay) has capitalized on the non-existent French connection before, and it makes for some clever commercials.  “Alouette” takes most of us back to childhood songfests.  I suppose the image Target is going for is replacing the old with some colorful new plumage.  Still, I’m wondering, will it hurt?

     (Thanks, Wikipedia for background information and song translation.)

Celebrate

     What's happening in March?  More than you might have realized.  Check out http://www.brownielocks.com/ and you'll find a reason (or an excuse) to celebrate just about anything.

     If you can believe Brownielocks (and she says all holidays and observances on her site have been authenticated), March is awareness month for 55 different causes, has 49 weekly observances, and has individual holidays too numerous to count.

     March is the month designated for Colorectal Awareness, Eye Donor Awareness, and Multiple Sclerosis Awareness.  In March, we celebrate Irish-American Awareness.  My husband likes that one.  March is also Optimism Month.  If you would rather support some less weighty subjects, you can adopt a rescued guinea pig, or glorify bell peppers, broccoli, berries, and cherries.

     My favorite weekly observances are Return the Borrowed Books Week (3/4 - 3/10), the World Rattlesnake Round Up (3/8 - 3/14), and Act Happy Week (3/19 - 3/25).  Why do we need Root Canal Awareness Week (3/25 - 3/31)?  If you ask me, people should just live in blissful ignorance on the subject of root canals.  You'll understand it soon enough when you need one.

     These are the holidays that I want to keep in March -

3/2 - Dr. Suess Day
3/11 - World Plumbing Day - What?  Who isn't grateful for indoor plumbing?
3/12 - Napping Day - The Monday after daylight savings time.
3/24 - National Chocolate Covered Raisins Day - The reason for Root Canal Awareness?
3/27 - Viagra Day - Just one day?  I would think the guys who use it celebrate every time they pop that blue pill.

     It's March 8th.  Today is Girls Write Now Day.  Have a happy.

How Much Does it Really Cost to be Hot?

     I read an article about the high cost of Jennifer Aniston's good looks.  The total cost is a whopping $141,037.97 per year!  Jen goes in for $295 facial peels, $600 hair cuts, and $80 eye brow shaping.  Her personal trainer costs $300 per visit, after which the friendly one's well toned body gets a $45 bi-weekly spray tan.  The tab for pre-made meals is $385 per week.  Make-up runs $4,402 annually.  The writer of the article states that Ms. Aniston's only confirmed cosmetic procedures were two nose jobs.  Fancy Beverly Hills plastic surgeons charge around $9,000 for a rhinoplasty.  I suppose if you divide the cost of two nose jobs by the remaining number of years one expects to live, the average annual cost is pretty reasonable.

     Hainesport isn't Hollywood.  I feel safe saying there is no such thing around these parts as a $600 haircut.  I'm satisfied with the $25 trim I get at Sheer Perfection.  I don't know if Jennifer has to cover any gray hairs, but I use L'oreal very six weeks, and it runs $8.99 per box.  The Noritate that I use to keep rosacea at bay sets me back $18 for the co-pay.  I barely have to tweeze my brows.  Forty years of plucking has killed most of the hair follicles.  Forget the personal trainer.  Cleaning gutters and moving furniture is a great way to stay in shape.  Spanx will do the rest.  I buy a fresh mascara every six months since mascara is a medium for all sorts of bacteria.  I'm not conscientious about replacing any other cosmetic item, and my Mabelline Brush On Brow Color is probably three years old.  Most of my make-up comes from Walmart or CVS, but I occasionally treat myself to an item from the department store make-up counter.  I'm sure my annual make-up budget does not exceed $100.  Forty five dollar spray tans?  I can buy a couple of tubes of Banana Boat self tanner and a huge bottle of No Ad sunblock for that price, and it lasts from April till October.  My half of our $100 per week grocery bill is $50.  That's $2,600 per year.  However, the actual cost of food is less since items like toilet paper and trash bags are included in the grocery bill.

Some quick math shows that I can hold body and soul together for $3,199.35 per year - that's $137,838.62 less than Jen's bill.  A nose job, a little work around the eyes, and a tummy tuck are tempting, but Mike says I'm hot just the way I am.

Happiness is knowing you look good enough to be Jennifer Aniston's mother.      

Did You Get Anything Done Today?

6:30 a.m. – Up and at ‘em because dog refuses to stay in bed until 7:30.  It’s time to pee and chase some birds.

6:45 a.m. – Pick up dog poop.  Chase dog into house so she can’t dig another hole in the back yard.

7:00 a.m. – Help husband move 1,000 pound dresser in order to accomplish the day’s goal of painting one bedroom wall.

7:15 a.m. – Prepare breakfast.  Check email to kill time while waiting for husband to finish grooming rituals.

7:30 a.m. – Holler at husband to come and eat.

8:00 a.m. – Chase husband out door.

8:15 a.m. – Ignore whining dog while trying to write blog.

8:20 a.m. – Let dog out.

8:30 a.m. – Catch dog enlarging hole by fence.  Beg dog to come inside.  Trick dog into running back inside by making self object of chase. 

8:40 a.m. - Alternately write blog while threatening to throw dog out with the trash if she doesn’t stop whining.

9:30 a.m. – Climb ladder and begin caulking cracks in bedroom woodwork before painting.

9:40 a.m. – Climb down ladder to answer phone.  Receive update on progress of custom made picture frames.  Change some aspects of the job because Picture Frame Guy offers some interesting alternatives.

9:47 a.m. – Climb back up ladder.

9:49 a.m. – Descend ladder because Picture Frame Guy calls again. 

10:00 a.m. – Decide to start dinner.  Pull out recipe from the little cook book that came with the slow cooker back in 1975.  Wonder why this recipe hasn’t been committed to memory by now.

Pot Roasted Pork

3-4 lb. pork loin roast

Salt and pepper

1 clove garlic, sliced

2 medium onions

2 bay leaves

1 whole clove

1 cup hot water

2 tbs. soy sauce

Trim all excess fat from meat.  Make slits in meat and insert slivers of garlic.  Add some oil to Dutch oven and brown meat on all sides.  Put a layer of sliced onion in the bottom of the slow cooker.  Add the browned meat.  Sprinkle with salt and pepper.  Cover with more sliced onion and add other ingredients.  Cover and cook on low until done – about 10 hours.  Or cook on high for two hours and turn back to low for 6 more hours.

10:35 a.m. – Begin applying blue painter’s tape.  Consider taping dog’s mouth shut.  Instead, nudge her out the back door.  Supervise the trip.  Bring her in as soon as she squats.  Spread drop cloths, fill paint tray, realize that human bladder should have been emptied one half hour ago.

10:56 a.m. – Sprint to bathroom.  Wonder for the umpteenth time why dog finds the flushing process so fascinating.  Chase dog away in order to lower lid.

11:00 a.m. – Let dog out, but not because she has to eliminate.

11:01 a.m. – Take a break.  Breaks are for washing breakfast dishes and scouring the impossible-to-keep-clean surface of the ceramic cook top.  Curse electric stove and vow to convert to gas.

11: 16 a.m. – Call dog inside.  Watch her look up then go back to pulling out clumps of grass.  Curse dog.  Again, dupe dog into returning to house by making self object of chase.  Wonder if neighbors are watching.  Pry clump of grass from dog’s locked jaws.  Wash dog’s filthy feet.

11:30 a.m. – Thrown in a load of laundry.

11:35 a.m. – Return to bedroom.  Put on old clothes.  Begin painting.

12:10 p.m. – Note commotion in kitchen.  Washer has gone off balance.  Run for the kitchen and catch glimpse of dog running in the opposite direction.  Rearrange wet clothes, restart washer, and hang on to it as it completes cycle.

12:17 p.m. – Notice dog has stopped shaking and is resting in crate.  Return to painting.

1:17 p.m. – Hear dog yipping.  Enter living room and see dog sitting at back door, vocalizing.  Suspect it’s a lie, but let her out.  Observe dog scanning terrain for squirrels and wild turkeys, sniffing around, and finally, eating a piece of mulch.  Five minutes pass.  Spy dog moving toward site of previous digging.  Knock vigorously on window and smile when dog leaps aside.  Call dog and she comes.

1:30 p.m. – Finish painting wall.  Stand back and admire work.  Think briefly that the new color is a lot like the old color.  Reconsider and conclude that it is nothing like the old color.  It’s very different – a complete change.

1:40 p.m. – Feel stabbing hunger pains.  Consume banana, juice, and this morning’s vitamins.

1:46 p.m. – Decide to take a bath.  Hair washing can wait one more day.  Put dog in crate.  Close door.  Admonish self for the smug feeling that accompanies closing the crate.  Dress, leave house.  Go to Petsmart for dog food, order fabric at Joann for making bed skirt, pick up weekly groceries at Shop Rite.

5:30 p.m. – Return home.  Reluctantly release dog from crate.  Dog wants to be under foot.  Jettison dog out back door.  Unpack groceries while dog stands on hind legs at side fence.  Marvel that she longs for a visit from the pooch next door.  All he ever does is lift his leg, pee in her direction, and saunter back home.  Theorize that man and beast operate on the same principles when it concerns infatuation.

6:00 p.m. – Husband walks through door.  Dog greets him enthusiastically.  Husband asks, “Was she a good girl today?”  Wife responds, “Did you have fun at work today?”  Then spouse asks, “Did you get anything done today?”  Husband spends the evening letting dog in and out four more times while wife watches television.

  

When I Can't Think of Anything, I Write a Poem

A little while back, I wrote a poem about married life.  Can you relate?

After three decades single
I decided to take the plunge
Our lives we would co-mingle
The past life I'd expunge.

Judging from the courtship
Married life would be grand
The walk down the aisle a pleasure trip
To the new life we had planned.

Let me say that hubby
Is mostly a model spouse
He hates his surroundings grubby
He helps me clean the house.

But in the matter of the bathroom
Though he'll even sit to pee
He clutters the counter with perfume
Razors, clippers, and other debris.

He insists on doing the dishes
But his washing never passes
He never follows my wishes
To wash them wearing glasses.

He's happy to take the dog out
But he never picks it up
And so it happens daily
I step in the product of my pup.

Because he has a desk job
He'd come home clean, you think
Yet every wash day I spot treat
The ketchup, grease, and ink.

The thing is I'm not perfect
Annoying habits, I have more
The best thing about my husband is
He never, ever keeps score.

Marriage involves a lot of give and take, they say.  Thank God, I found a giver!

Puppy Love

     I like to admire cute dogs.  I like to pet them and fuss over them.  My husband Mike has commented more than once that I don’t have to break into high pitched baby talk every time I encounter a dog on a walking trail.  But, yes, I really have to, because I love their fuzzy little faces.

     The dog in residence these days is named Mardi.  She’s a poodle mix rescue.  She’s curly and black and weighs 10 pounds.  Her first birthday is April 14^th.  We’ve been working on civilizing Mardi, and we’ve made strides in that direction.  Mardi’s greatest accomplishment so far has been learning to do her business outside.  She has agreed to restrict her chewing to dog toys – mostly bully sticks and a floppy, de-squeaker-ized fox.  Mardi is also developing a repertoire of silly dog tricks like sitting, dancing, and paw/hand shaking.  We still have to work on the jumping, the digging, and the selective hearing.

     Besides being unable to resist reaching out to touch a hairy muzzle, I’m also unable to pass by dog books at the library.  I just finished a good one – You Had Me at Woof: How Dogs Taught Me the Secrets of Happiness by Julie Klam. 

     I couldn’t agree more with Ms. Klam’s main point that dog ownership will force a person into adulthood.  It was all about me until I got my first dog Spike, a Yorkshire Terrier.  No matter how tired I was, I had to take her out in the middle of the night for thirteen and a half years.  I had to adjust my social life to accommodate her bathroom schedule.  On a couple of occasions, I had to get emergency loans from my mother because Spike got sick.  Never truly housebroken, the dog destroyed my carpets.  She enthusiastically greeted visitors, making the best of first impressions.  As those same guests departed, she scared the crap out of them with clawing, snarling, and cuff grabbing.  Such was extent of her separation anxiety that no one was allowed to leave.  Spike went to doggie heaven after a long illness that involved fainting, vomiting, and lots of diarrhea.  So, thanks Spike, for making me grow up and for teaching me about real love.  

     Toppy & Meg's Sooner or Later (aka Spike)       

                                                          1990-2004

Doppel-hanger

     I first noticed the two dress phenomenon when Chelsea Clinton got married.  She had a ceremony dress and a reception dress.  Though I haven’t been able to find any pictures of the reception frock, I read that it was Grecian inspired, made of tulle, and had a black ribbon belt.  Reportedly, Dress Number #2 was more comfortable for dancing the night away at the reception.  No doubt Vera Wang was thrilled when Chelsea said yes to the dresses.

     Double dressing was the rage at the Academy Awards this year.  The nightly news magazine shows made a lot of it.  Jennifer Lopez and Cameron Diaz had red carpet gowns and after party outfits.  My hat is off to Best Supporting Actress winner, Octavia Spencer.  She didn’t need a supporting wardrobe for later in the evening.  Even country girl, Carrie Underwood, did a quick change at a recent event.  Her second, shorter dress was better suited to performing than the billowy number she wore through the front door.

     I’ve toted along an extra pair of shoes.  Sometimes I take a sweater, just in case the air conditioning is set a little too low.  But a whole ‘nother change of clothes?  Come on now.  Even when I change into a swim suit at my sister-in-law’s Fourth of July splash, I put on my original duds when I get out of the pool.   

     Happiness is sporting just one ensemble at a time.