Kids

     I'm not the only one who giggles over dirty words.  Adam Mansbach wrote an adult book, in the style of a children's rhyming book, about the trials and tribulations of getting his daughter to go to sleep.  He called it Go the F--k to Sleep.  Parents made the book a best seller and Mansbach has even sold the movie rights to this skinny, nicely illustrated work.
He has also published a G-rated version titled Seriously, Just Go to Sleep.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Go_the_Fuck_to_Sleep

     Why stop with just the bedtime battle?  Kids have so many other infuriating habits.  For example, endless questions -

I really don't know why the sky's blue
Or why lizards and chickens don't whiz.
Your questions are driving me crazy.
The answer is, "It just is."

There's also the emotional abuse -

So you say you want a new mommy
Because I won't buy you a toy?
What do you think of this girl child?
Mommy really wanted a boy.

And the tantrums -

The tears and the snot go a-flying
As you wail and writhe on the floor.
My calm attitude is belying
My wish that I had a trap door.

Or perhaps the poor hygiene -

You're covered in mud and grass stains
I told you, "Don't touch the hose."
Don't you dare eat that mud pie.
And get your finger out of your nose.

I could go on, but you get the idea.