No, Thank You

     Yesterday I was reading about Sarah Baartman, a Khoikhoi African woman, who was displayed as a freak show attraction, in the early 1800's.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarah_Baartman  My mind wandered to the HBO series "Carnivale" and then to the movie "Water for Elephants."  I never liked the circus.  As a kid, I would have picked going to 2 Guys over going to the circus.  The circus came to Hainesport a couple of times in the form of the Our Lady Queen of Peace fund raising carnival.  One year they had an acrobat who ended her routine by hanging by her teeth.  http://blog.modernmechanix.com/worlds-strangest-circus-produced-by-amateurs/  Hanging by my teeth is the last thing in the world I would want to do.
     A list started forming in my head, a reverse bucket list.  There are quite a few things that I am steadfastly close minded about.

     1. I don't want a sports car.  They're way down on the ground, and it would hurt my back to get in and out.  I don't drive fast anymore.  Mike says I putt-putt along like an old lady.

     2. I don't want to eat mountain oysters.

     3. I don't want to move to Florida.  Though I whine about the cold all winter and make threats, I would rather stay away from the Sunshine State.  They have bugs and snakes and hurricanes.

    4. As much as I like dogs, I'll never keep a malamute in the house.  They don't just shed.  They moult weekly, it seems.

     5. I don't want to sleep under the stars or make love on the beach.

     6. I don't want a nose job or a face lift.  The thought of a more attractive me has been tempting at times, but in the end I'd rather spend the money at Flemings.

     7. I don't want to own a bed and breakfast.  Why would anyone want the pressure of always having to keep the house spotless and having to wait on a bunch of strangers?  I'd probably screw up all the orders for over easy eggs.

     There are plenty of things I would like to do.  I've always been in love with the jitterbug, and I would like to learn a really cool jitterbug routine.  I would like to ride an elephant and swim with the dolphins.  I would love to have three desserts after supper every night.  But wait, that's another situation to which I must say, "No, thanks."