Off to College

     All parents worry when their child goes off to college for the first time, but parents of girls worry the most.  The usual advice is, "Lock your door," "Travel in groups," or "Carry pepper spray." Good advice, but there is more you can do to help your girls recognize possible danger.
     Gavin de Becker, a security expert, has written several books.  I read the first two - The Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift.  He explains how bad guys operate, and that's something all young girls need to know.  Someone who is up to no good will appear friendly, even charming.  They will get information from you without ever asking questions - they will guide the conversation in such a way that you volunteer personal information.  You could end up being led to a private place where someone has control over you.
     Here are some things that should raise a red flag.

     1.  Too many details.  Some people are extroverts.  They start conversations on airplanes and park benches.  If you encounter someone who throws in lots of details about himself and introduces himself, they could be on a fishing expedition.  Never offer more than your first name, or better yet, simply say , "hello."

     2.  Teaming up with you.  A stranger might say, "I see we take the same bus.  I suppose you are meeting friends?"  Using the same bus gives you something in common with the stranger.  Don't respond that you just wanted to go downtown to wander around.  Let him think you are meeting the entire rugby team.

     3. Typecasting.  Joe College could say,  "I love hiking in the hills outside of town.  You're probably not that adventuresome."  Joe could be setting the groundwork for you to claim that you are quite adventuresome.  If you rise to his challenge, he knows that you might be susceptible to other suggestions.

     4.  Charm and niceness.  Who doesn't want to hear that they have beautiful hair?  Beware of strangers who lay on the compliments.

     5.  Loan sharking.  Joe College pulls an energy bar out of his backpack and says, "I'm starved.  I have an extra.  Would you like it?"  Joe's offer puts you in his debt.  If you are beginning to think Joe is annoying, his offer of a snack makes it harder to get rid of him.

     6.  Ignoring the word "no."  If you say no to a stranger's offer to take you to a neighborhood place for a beer, and that person counters with, "Come on.  It's right around the corner.  All the guys in my dorm go there," then you have met someone who might be trying to control you.

     7. Unsolicited promises.  You might hear, "We'll have one beer, and I'll get you home in time to study for your classes tomorrow.  I promise."  The promise makes you think Joe is trustworthy, but is he?

     College is a highly social time.  As parents you don't want to take all the fun out of your child's first adventure away from home.  However, you do want to teach your girls to react to overtures from male strangers with a healthy skepticism.  If a stranger employs any of the above techniques, be very careful.
     The most important thing you can probably tell your child is to listen to their inner voice.  If someone gives you the creeps, they are probably a creepy person.  Resist the urge to be nice and get away from them.